Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Meant to be?

While reading, as I sprawled out on my couch, I thought about a curious fact about my past. My mother was always told, by her mother, my grandmother, that she should have never been born. Back in 1940, my Grandmother when to get her tubes tied. I don't know how common the procedure was back then, but she had had one miscarriage and one still birth, and well, still wanted to have sex, but gave up on having a second child. (My aunt was her first) So she had the procedure done. I do not know if it was done correctly, nor do I know what the percentage rate was back then in regards to successful avoidance of unwanted pregnancies. I do know that by the end of that year she had gotten pregnant again, and in September of the following year, my mother was born.

So she was unwanted, and in fact, great pains were taken so there wouldn't be no more children but she was born anyway. She too had a still born child, my brother, who would have been older than me by ten years, with her first husband with whom she later had an annulment with.
My father, her second of three husbands, was supposedly practicing safe sex, but he was drunk much of the time, and an accident happened and I was born.

I wasn't the surprise of the year as my mother was, but I too was a mistake, so here I am a mistake, or someone who should never have been born. I wonder how many others there are like me who have similar backgrounds. I often wonder if this is why things are the way for me, am I the butt of a cosmic joke, because folks, if it didn't suck...

Comments:
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