Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Summer Is Gone....
At least there is a three day weekend coming up.
Atkins Week One/ Atkins On The Road
On the road, when I went to DC was a little tough because I couldn't go to the Italian restaurant I wanted to and Fudruckers was really interesting getting a pound burger smothered with cheese on a plate. Bare. But I managed. Though I missed Bertucci's something awful.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Atkins Day 1 , Day 2 and Day 3
Anyway, Sat and Sun I binged on carbs beautiful carbs. Pasta, fries, breads, cake, some sugar, it was awesome. LOL Detrimental no doubt but good tasteing. I went to Carrabas (spelling ?) and the waitress was nice, Dawn Marie at the Bensalem franchise. Very nice, knowledgeable and kinda cute. Left her a nice tip but I realized that it doesnt matter cause I wont be back unless I give up on Atkins and dive into a bowl of pasta.
Getting back to that, net carbs are a bit easier to live with than total carbs. Some bars I thought I couldnt have anymore actually advertise the net carbs, and my favorite ones, the low sugar Detour bars have only 5 net carbs. So when I am off of induction I will have those again.
3 net carbs in a serving of salad. I can drink the whole F-in bottle of no carb dressing but only a cup of salad. Go figure..and I HATE salad. LOL
Monday was bad. Day one. By noon I was fiendin for bread, pizza and anything I couldnt have. So I had another protein shake. One scoop (2 net carbs) tbs heavy cream (> 1 net carb) water and ice and blended it in this really cool one serving blender I picked up from Walmart, because god forbid I used the regular blender...but that is another story.
Anyway Monday was bad, shopped for food, and was so pissed that everything i wanted had so many carbs, but persevered and found some items.
Tuesday was almost as bad as Monday. But later reread Atkins Essentials and found out I could eat Atkins products EXCEPT the one I had, the Indulge bar. Oh well my bad but I didn't get upset about it, Tomorrow is another day and that's today.
Today was good so far. Had a protein shake and breakfast bar for breakfast. (first day off of eggs in ages) which was 5 net carbs. After my workout I had the double protein shake (5 net carbs)
and snacked on another breakfast bar (2 carbs) and lunch had under 2 net carbs, so I am sitting pretty for the rest of the day with 6 - 7 net carbs to go and 600 calories to go.
It is a long and miserably twisted road I must travel. What helped today was not to go to my usual breakfast place. Its a bagel store. I went Monday and Tuesday and the smell of those freshly baked bastards just tore at my soul. LOL Then again if it didn't suck.....
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Fries While You Wait and Goodbye to Carbs
I am going on Atkins again on Monday. So I was told by my trainer Adam (see a few entries down) and his boss, that it might be a good match. So I was told that the next few days I should eat as many carbs (not derived from sugar) as I want, so I went to the Macaroni Grill, and Red Robin and will go to Bertuccis tomorrow, then its goodbye to carbs for as long as I have to will power to stay away. Bye Carbs...it was nice, too nice, i mean really freakin nice knowin ya!
If A Blog Falls In the Woods....
Thursday, August 17, 2006
ENTER THE ADAM
Im here to help ya not hurt ya, Im not here to hurt ya that's not my job
or when his pants ripped...
Hey these pants are OUTTTA HERE!!!!
When referring to my diet...I want those Carbs OUTTA HERE!!!
and so on, also every time I tell him I have torn cartilage in my knee he forgets and tries to have me do something where I am putting pressure on my knee.
Oh yeah I forgot...Come with me... And we proceed to try something else that I cannot do. Oh yeah...I forgot...Come with me and so on and so on every leg day
Aside from that, he is a decent guy and tries to do his job by means of motivating me and amending my diet to maximize results so all in all I would say my other trainers are OUTTA HERE!!!
I do think h would benefit from visiting Brooklyn to know how the person he thinks he is really is, like when he bounced in one morning talking about the "phat new rims on his car"
Damn these wiggers..........
Adam. You're AIIGHT Son.
Of Diets, Working Out, And The Merry Go Round I Decided To Get Back On
While muscle NEVER turns to fat, it does atrophy, and that's what happened by the time I decided to work out again and get a bit healthy. This new trainer, don't remember his name, but he was a geeky bastard that would talk non stop and tell me about his massages he would get and how his wife was mad at him. He would want to stretch me out and hang, he annoyed me so much I stopped going until another trainer there took over. Adrian was a muscle head and no doubt, a steroid abuser. He was prone to fits of rage and tried to kill my other trainer by lobbing a fifty pound dumb bell at him. Both men were fired. I continued to work out for a short while and got lazy....What a shock.
Before my divorce, I was feeling week, and drained of energy. I was not at my highest weight but my diabetes (type 2) had gotten a bit worse, and I wanted to do something more proactive about it. I wished I did not let my gym membership lapse, and was upset that I had a Premiere Gold Bally's Membership that only required $99 for the year and I could use any Bally's at any time any where I wanted ever. Around that time I was considering being proactive I got a mysterious ad to renew...I did. And in came Adam.
Adam is my current trainer though my sessions are almost over, I signed up for 24 sessions, get about 4 free, and I have been going all summer. 3 times a week, though I need to do more cardio work, I am doing well. That is with working out and building muscle and feeling stronger. I lost about 20 pounds since I started July 3rd with the whole program. It happened rapidly, and now nothing. Same weight. So Adam, and thankfully, another trainer or two at the Bally's in Franklyn Mills have decided I should try Atkins.
We spoke about it, pros and cons and I shared concerns about the last time I was on it, and I agreed it was worth a try. A plus with the diet is that exercise should be regular, admittedly the last time I was on Atkins I was mostly sedentary. I like being sedentary but well it has been very detrimental to my health and well being.
While I am not thinner, I feel stronger and healthier, in a better mood, and feeling a bit better about myself. I guess this time I found the good combination the most important being my motivation. Hopefully that will be the one mainstay of my present situation. I will keep you updated.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Living On My Own
The second time I lived alone was following my mothers death on Feb 17th 2001. This time it was a bit longer, over a year, roughly 16 months. This time it was once again something I had no choice in dealing with and getting used to and for short while it did take getting used too. Just knowing that the person you had spend your whole life to that point would never be coming home again was a sad and hollow thing, but it had to be dealt with, and I gotten past the feeling of loneliness or at least I thought I had. A month prior to the solitary streak I had met my ex wife, and she had fallen upon bad times or so it seemed and I invited her to live with me on or around June 15th of 2002. We were married the following year and I was no longer living alone.
Both times I must admit I had gotten really used to living alone really fast. Then again I am the type of person, while my presence is always known, I could also feel alone in a crowded room, so I guess its no big surprise that I had gotten used to the me time, the living alone time.
This time now, I look toward November with the eagerness of a child descending the stairs on Christmas day, and with the most mild twinge of trepidation. This time my leaving and my being alone, or on my own is a self imposed liberation. I am getting out of a bad marriage that actually ran its course before even the rings were put on our respective fingers, and I am moving again, not back to where I came from, but to a new place, new start new life.
While I think it would be nice to meet someone, I am in no rush. I feel that it will be a one of a kind opportunity to get to know myself all over again. One thing I have always held onto is that if you cannot enjoy your own company, no one else will, so here I go getting to prove the theory once more.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Coney Island Addendum
Coney Island Day aka how a tradition is born
It started out small and not as a Coney Island Day. It was a regular hang with Maurice, Dandy Greengirl and yours truly. We ate at Lai Yuens, were we revisited for our most recent excursion, then went to a movie, I am assuming it was Bring It On, if not I will ammend that, I do know we saw that movie during that summer and it came out toward the end of the summer as what started the tradition.
After the movie, I had a choice before me, end the evening or extend it? I asked, all feedback I recieved was..I dont know, I dont care. So instead of making a right turn I turned left and wound up on stillwell avenue and thus a tradition was born.
Interesingly enough our core four looked forward to this event each year and we added on to the amount who would attend but the itinerary is usually strictly enforced, by me, in order to maximize out day, lunch, movie, nathans and coney including boardwalk and rides and games, followed by desserts and coffee at El Greco.
Not very inventive, nor very exciting, but it is fun and like I said it is looked forward to by all each year, perhaps I will toss out an option next year that we substitue the movie with some bowling. This year's choiced sucked. Pulse was the film, if you can call it that, we saw and it was vile. Not that it was scary but vile that we had to pay ten bucks for crap.
Traditions are nice, even if they start quite by accident.
Friday, August 11, 2006
You've Been Served
She cried and told me things would be better. Things would go back to the way they were but she was tired of playing the bad guy, and tired of me being the victim. I was tired of those same things but alas when one is victimized....anyway it was really hard hearing things I wanted to hear in so long, being lulled back into my complacency, but I had to be strong. It was really hard. I told her about my lawyer. She told me to call my lawyer and stop everything. She cried more, held me more, I cried, didn't know what to do.....But I knew I couldn't fall back into the rut I had been in for so long. And if she was tired of me being a victim, I knew I had to stop being one.
So I told her it was going to be the way it was. I wanted a divorce. At that moment I knew I made the right decision. Immediately she pulled away, stopped crying, lit a cigarette and said, "ok, so what now?" as cold as I knew she could be. Cold enough to freeze vodka.
I laid out the plan, sign papers, 90 day waiting period, sign final papers and I told her I would pretty much give her everything. I just wanted out. We shall see how smooth it will be all. I do not expect anything to be easy, after all if it didn't suck.......
Matisyahu, I am a convert.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
An Idiot's Guide To Divorce
One of the things I know about the untimely demise of my martial state was that it was in critical and held on for dear life for far too long. With that said, there should be a book called an Idiots Guide to Fixing or Fleeing a Toxic Marriage. Maybe I should write it, but do not really have anything new to say other than the fact that none of my friends liked her, she was a bit mean, and as soon as we were married the love, warmth, communication and sex dwindled down, the spigot rusted shut, and we lived as two strangers for nearly three years.
Complacency is the mother of all clusterfucks as was the case with my marriage DOA before the honeymoon. We never had sex on our marriage night. Nor did we on any holiday including our anniversary, now even couples who stop having sex have it on their anniversary. We would have relations once in a while. We would talk once in a while. We would even do something once in a while. We would argue regularly, be verbally abusive regularly and ignore one another without fail. I wanted to change many tings, like eating meals together. I wanted to, she didn’t. Going out. I wanted to she didn’t. Showing affection. I wanted to…well you get the idea. A few of her major complaints about me were that I was too sappy, too romantic and emotionally needy. All that I did to be accused of all of those things was to want my wife to be my wife, and my marriage to be just that; a marriage. It became easy not to argue. It became easy to be left alone, and just go with the white noise din of complacency.
The catharsis came on June 12th. Certain events led to a tumultuous crescendo of emotional abuse and manipulation on her part. She pushed me to the edge and I decided it was time to push back……