Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Living On My Own
I only lived alone twice in my life before, one was for a period of 10 months while my mother was in the hospital when I was 16. I lived on my own through the changes of the seasons and the holidays visiting her daily, but when I went home I was alone, though it didn't seem like it at the time. I didn't think much of it either, it was just what it was, something that I had to deal with. I did, and eventually my mother got better and came home. (this is the subject of some of my memoirs which are excerpted throughout my blog)
The second time I lived alone was following my mothers death on Feb 17th 2001. This time it was a bit longer, over a year, roughly 16 months. This time it was once again something I had no choice in dealing with and getting used to and for short while it did take getting used too. Just knowing that the person you had spend your whole life to that point would never be coming home again was a sad and hollow thing, but it had to be dealt with, and I gotten past the feeling of loneliness or at least I thought I had. A month prior to the solitary streak I had met my ex wife, and she had fallen upon bad times or so it seemed and I invited her to live with me on or around June 15th of 2002. We were married the following year and I was no longer living alone.
Both times I must admit I had gotten really used to living alone really fast. Then again I am the type of person, while my presence is always known, I could also feel alone in a crowded room, so I guess its no big surprise that I had gotten used to the me time, the living alone time.
This time now, I look toward November with the eagerness of a child descending the stairs on Christmas day, and with the most mild twinge of trepidation. This time my leaving and my being alone, or on my own is a self imposed liberation. I am getting out of a bad marriage that actually ran its course before even the rings were put on our respective fingers, and I am moving again, not back to where I came from, but to a new place, new start new life.
While I think it would be nice to meet someone, I am in no rush. I feel that it will be a one of a kind opportunity to get to know myself all over again. One thing I have always held onto is that if you cannot enjoy your own company, no one else will, so here I go getting to prove the theory once more.
Peace C
The second time I lived alone was following my mothers death on Feb 17th 2001. This time it was a bit longer, over a year, roughly 16 months. This time it was once again something I had no choice in dealing with and getting used to and for short while it did take getting used too. Just knowing that the person you had spend your whole life to that point would never be coming home again was a sad and hollow thing, but it had to be dealt with, and I gotten past the feeling of loneliness or at least I thought I had. A month prior to the solitary streak I had met my ex wife, and she had fallen upon bad times or so it seemed and I invited her to live with me on or around June 15th of 2002. We were married the following year and I was no longer living alone.
Both times I must admit I had gotten really used to living alone really fast. Then again I am the type of person, while my presence is always known, I could also feel alone in a crowded room, so I guess its no big surprise that I had gotten used to the me time, the living alone time.
This time now, I look toward November with the eagerness of a child descending the stairs on Christmas day, and with the most mild twinge of trepidation. This time my leaving and my being alone, or on my own is a self imposed liberation. I am getting out of a bad marriage that actually ran its course before even the rings were put on our respective fingers, and I am moving again, not back to where I came from, but to a new place, new start new life.
While I think it would be nice to meet someone, I am in no rush. I feel that it will be a one of a kind opportunity to get to know myself all over again. One thing I have always held onto is that if you cannot enjoy your own company, no one else will, so here I go getting to prove the theory once more.
Peace C
