Monday, October 09, 2006

At the Library again

Sitting here in the library typing and listening to the Ms. Saigon Soundtrack and looking out at the slowly undulating waters and the occasional speedboat slicing through its serenity I wonder what would life be like if I had one. Today like all summer I went out, (skipped the gym today but might go for some well needed cardio later) saw a movie, and found an open library where I browsed books, dvds, cds and logged hours on the Internet.

I guess many men my age have children, or least a semblance of a real marriage, and future plans. While I have future plans it seems that the holding patterns in my life are endless, and the times where I am living go by with the swiftness of the speedboat that just went by.

Sun and Moon is playing now, and I wonder what love like that feels like. Or if I will ever know it.

Sorry to wax melodramatic, I know that the immortal song better alone than unhappy is true. So I will be alone, for a while, but I know myself for some 36 years now and I get along with the face in the mirror, though he looks like a knob with no facial hair, and I am content to reacquaint myself with myself at least for a short while.

Columbus Day

October 9th. Out of boredom today I shaved my beard. Now I have a face as smooth as a baby's bottom. I want to grow it back now immediately but will leave it off at least until I am moved out of the house I shared with my wife for the time we were together. I was going to shave it off when the divorce was final as a sort of cleansing, or I don't really know, had it for about 11 years and decided a change was in order. I wish I can shed weight as easily as I did the facial hair, seems to be at a holding pattern for the time being, though I am still losing inches, my belt that used to go to the second notch now closes on the last notch and is still a bit loose. So there is some positive progress. Though I don't know about my face. Not seeing it in the mirror I barely recognize myself. I look younger and well different. Then again, I am different, so whatever.
anyway happy Columbus day.

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