Friday, February 23, 2007
Struggling Against the Frugality of Life
Drinking the Night away
quite never knowing the way
or even if there ever was one.
Denied a second chance
Hell--- not even sure I ever had a first one
When souls were doled out I got a cursed one
Tired of making do
with what I’ve been given
shouldn't sins of the past be forgiven?
slowly twist & turn
over hell’s precipice
always about to fall
or jammed on the needles point
or sliced on the razor’s edge
But I will never be given an easy out
I cannot ever receive a cure
I am guilty & my punishment is always the same
I must endure.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Each day it gets harder
to maintain my degree of ennui
It gets harder to be normal.
Not depressed-Not Ecstatic
Just to Be!
Like an addict who used to do just a little
until that would no longer do
then their habbit would increase
just to try to get the same high
then more & more
just to stay out of the bowels of life…
Perhaps if I had a companion
or better if I had religion
or something to occupy the
fathomless void in my soul
Then perhaps I’d be whole.
Looking out of the window I want to smash it and stick out my head and scream
HEY WHAT ABOUT ME MOTHERFUCKER!?!
I want to claw at my skin until I can feel something, anything but this numbness….
I want to sit here & cry uncontrollably
But I cannot/will not allow myself to lose it.
Self Control/Self Reliance/Social Acceptance/Compliance is very important
so I keep the basket case and the beast
locked away for now
but the cages are old & rusted
& I fear they may soon….
Valentines Day 07
Valentines Day 07
When I wrote this Valentines Day
was a week away
& it was a new day
new stage of my life
though things seem to still remain the same.
I’d be alone again
I know it’s lame & a crying shame
-How can someone as great as me
be confined to being lonely?
-Not really sure, but I’d rather be alone
than in misery.
Four of Cupid’s Anniersaries
I was supposedly in “Love”
Actually, it was a state of shock/confusion/temporary insantity/dementia
false, lies, hidden truths
as was the entirety of my marriage.
Why cant the day ever have meaning?
Why cant love ever be real?
Why is it getting so hard
for me to feel?