If It Didn't Suck....

In some ways since I served my wife with papers, or actually since it was revealed of my intentions to file on her things have been more civil than they have in many many months. While we still don't talk, or have sex, or eat meals together, we are not at each others throats, which is a plus. I am not saying that if things were as they are now I would have hung in there, the last day before I told her was really hard. She had read my blog that day. I know big deal right? But I like to write. Everyone who knows me knows that, and since I met her she refused to ever read anything I had ever written. I know what you are thinking...It was a sign. I guess, but I ignored that sign and many others. So when she read my blog I was shocked, and she hugged me, and held me, and pulled me close. More than she had done in many many many months.

She cried and told me things would be better. Things would go back to the way they were but she was tired of playing the bad guy, and tired of me being the victim. I was tired of those same things but alas when one is victimized....anyway it was really hard hearing things I wanted to hear in so long, being lulled back into my complacency, but I had to be strong. It was really hard. I told her about my lawyer. She told me to call my lawyer and stop everything. She cried more, held me more, I cried, didn't know what to do.....But I knew I couldn't fall back into the rut I had been in for so long. And if she was tired of me being a victim, I knew I had to stop being one.

So I told her it was going to be the way it was. I wanted a divorce. At that moment I knew I made the right decision. Immediately she pulled away, stopped crying, lit a cigarette and said, "ok, so what now?" as cold as I knew she could be. Cold enough to freeze vodka.

I laid out the plan, sign papers, 90 day waiting period, sign final papers and I told her I would pretty much give her everything. I just wanted out. We shall see how smooth it will be all. I do not expect anything to be easy, after all if it didn't suck.......