If It Didn't Suck....

Each day it gets harder

to maintain my degree of ennui

It gets harder to be normal.

Not depressed-Not Ecstatic

Just to Be!

Like an addict who used to do just a little

until that would no longer do

then their habbit would increase

just to try to get the same high

then more & more

just to stay out of the bowels of life…

Perhaps if I had a companion

or better if I had religion

or something to occupy the

fathomless void in my soul

Then perhaps I’d be whole.

Looking out of the window I want to smash it and stick out my head and scream

HEY WHAT ABOUT ME MOTHERFUCKER!?!

I want to claw at my skin until I can feel something, anything but this numbness….

I want to sit here & cry uncontrollably

But I cannot/will not allow myself to lose it.

Self Control/Self Reliance/Social Acceptance/Compliance is very important

so I keep the basket case and the beast

locked away for now

but the cages are old & rusted

& I fear they may soon….

break…..

free.

// posted by Douglas Vance Castagna @ 2:05 PM