Friday, April 20, 2007
Dating after Divorce and other meanderings
While I do not have much experience on the subject, that has never stopped me from making comments. I was, officially divorced as of December of 06. Unlike some it was not because I had "found" someone else, or she, then again perhaps she did, but that isn't important. What is is my outlook about the whole thing. See, I didn't feel comfortable to start dating until it was all completed. We had drifted apart a long time before I filed last summer and I had no qualms or deep rooted feelings about if what I was doing was right or not. It obviously was, and was a long time in coming. The thing is when I was finally able to legally and morally date again, I found myself remembering how much I hate dating.
Contrary to popular belief I am somewhat shy and have a hard time opening up to new people and with the added feeling that I have some living to catch up on, I have hit a major snag in my new found "freedom". See, I have always loved the idea of marriage and hoped that when I did it it would be for the first time, the only time and last forever. It just so turned out I am one of the larger statistics and my marriage ended in divorce within 3 years of tying the knot. Too bad the knot was a noose around my soul.
But I digress. In January I had met someone and thought it was going well, perhaps a bit too well and my suspicions turned out to be correct. She was a bit younger than myself, and I should have seen problems brewing. She was cute, sexy in her way, meaning she wasn't overt or anything but there seemed to be an undercurrent of immaturity even though she was a college graduate, she was still in her early twenties. Needless to say after many mixed signals, including phone conversations that lasted for hours, and a few dates that I thought really went well, I fell into the FRIEND ZONE, and did not want to be there. I severed ties, and tried again.
And again.
What I found was that while I am no stranger to compromise I found myself remembering how many things I scarified in my marriage and changed and acquiesced, and now, during my second time around I did not want to give things up right away. Though it is symptomatic of dating. Eating foods you do not like, seeing a movie you would never see and so on. Those things are nothing. Ideologies are. Life choices are. I have only been single again for less than six months and I like my life, as empty as some may say it is, and I am not ready to make concessions yet. Though I will admit I am, at times, lonely. Nevertheless, I was never as lonely as I was when I was married.
I did take out a book, Dating for dummies, and wonder if I can, at 37, reinvent myself and become more outgoing. Dating after divorce. I never thought I would be a divorcee', then again I never thought I would be married. And another truism is that I never thought I would be in love, and while I had been many times, I know that the love I had, was ever returned in kind.
So in my foray into the dating world, after my marriage's demise, I can say that while it would be foolish for me to have that schoolboy notion of finding someone that I can love and return that love to me, I long for it. However, I have done without many things in life and would really be happy with someone who I can fall into like with, and can in turn return that like. Though the hope of love will never die as long as I draw breath.
Contrary to popular belief I am somewhat shy and have a hard time opening up to new people and with the added feeling that I have some living to catch up on, I have hit a major snag in my new found "freedom". See, I have always loved the idea of marriage and hoped that when I did it it would be for the first time, the only time and last forever. It just so turned out I am one of the larger statistics and my marriage ended in divorce within 3 years of tying the knot. Too bad the knot was a noose around my soul.
But I digress. In January I had met someone and thought it was going well, perhaps a bit too well and my suspicions turned out to be correct. She was a bit younger than myself, and I should have seen problems brewing. She was cute, sexy in her way, meaning she wasn't overt or anything but there seemed to be an undercurrent of immaturity even though she was a college graduate, she was still in her early twenties. Needless to say after many mixed signals, including phone conversations that lasted for hours, and a few dates that I thought really went well, I fell into the FRIEND ZONE, and did not want to be there. I severed ties, and tried again.
And again.
What I found was that while I am no stranger to compromise I found myself remembering how many things I scarified in my marriage and changed and acquiesced, and now, during my second time around I did not want to give things up right away. Though it is symptomatic of dating. Eating foods you do not like, seeing a movie you would never see and so on. Those things are nothing. Ideologies are. Life choices are. I have only been single again for less than six months and I like my life, as empty as some may say it is, and I am not ready to make concessions yet. Though I will admit I am, at times, lonely. Nevertheless, I was never as lonely as I was when I was married.
I did take out a book, Dating for dummies, and wonder if I can, at 37, reinvent myself and become more outgoing. Dating after divorce. I never thought I would be a divorcee', then again I never thought I would be married. And another truism is that I never thought I would be in love, and while I had been many times, I know that the love I had, was ever returned in kind.
So in my foray into the dating world, after my marriage's demise, I can say that while it would be foolish for me to have that schoolboy notion of finding someone that I can love and return that love to me, I long for it. However, I have done without many things in life and would really be happy with someone who I can fall into like with, and can in turn return that like. Though the hope of love will never die as long as I draw breath.
