Monday, April 23, 2007
Souls Commingling Or Solitary Solace
Thinking about my future and my life alone again I wonder are some people meant to be alone or is that just how things appear to be for a time? While I long for that companionship, the warmth of another, knowledge of knowing another completely and them knowing me as fully, I do enjoy my life at times. Most times. I answer to no one, have to make plans with no one, wait for no one, make decisions with out any consultation, and find myself being able to be consoled by no one as well.
I like the fact I have to make no concessions. No compromised. I made so many before, I don't want to make another anymore. At least anytime soon. I like my routine as stale as it may be at times, but its mine to live or amend anytime I want.
Though sometimes, at night, it hurts, not physical mind you, but everywhere else. It aches the soul sometimes when the feeling hits that I am alone, that no one will be there for me, that I, like everyone, will die alone. Then I hear a song I like, and relax and drift off into sleep; restful or fitful, I lay there and dream.
One realization I have, one epiphany if you will, is that while I have no one in my life, no religion to console, I do have the panaceas of few but close friends and diversions that truly fill the void. Those were in threat of being lost last time I succumbed to the company of another and I will not let that happen anytime soon. Though I do long for the opportunity to have another in my arms, enraptured by the charms & warmth of contact. Of a pair of souls comingling on the physical plain.
I like the fact I have to make no concessions. No compromised. I made so many before, I don't want to make another anymore. At least anytime soon. I like my routine as stale as it may be at times, but its mine to live or amend anytime I want.
Though sometimes, at night, it hurts, not physical mind you, but everywhere else. It aches the soul sometimes when the feeling hits that I am alone, that no one will be there for me, that I, like everyone, will die alone. Then I hear a song I like, and relax and drift off into sleep; restful or fitful, I lay there and dream.
One realization I have, one epiphany if you will, is that while I have no one in my life, no religion to console, I do have the panaceas of few but close friends and diversions that truly fill the void. Those were in threat of being lost last time I succumbed to the company of another and I will not let that happen anytime soon. Though I do long for the opportunity to have another in my arms, enraptured by the charms & warmth of contact. Of a pair of souls comingling on the physical plain.
