If It Didn't Suck....

September is usually a bad month. New schedule, new kids, new program, blah blah blah, but as you may or may not know I am still in the same place I was and seem to be in a holding pattern for now, which is fine since I have much to content with in my personal life, such as the big D, well I have diabetes as well but I mean Divorce. People ask me how things are progressing and it's like duh how do I know. No Fault state ya just wait. DOE (Department of Ed) you just wait, so I guess I should be used to it, all of this waiting. I wish you could reap some benefits from waiting, like speaking of wait, or weight, how about being able to lose weight while you wait? Nice idea isn't it? You can have that one, on me.

Anyway I ramble, and had not done so these last posts, though then again, this month I have been rather lax with my postings. October brings a few days off, a few holidays, and another month in the waiting game. Perhaps also a chance for my mind to meander and post something blogworthy.

I will give a brief review of some of the new shows this season but that seems lame...naw forget it. I'm done. Till next month......

Its Raining Again, by Supertramp was playing when I discovered my girlfriend was cheating on me. I didn't know it at first, I mean I knew something was up cause they were making out and playing ass grab on her mother's couch. It was after I made my presence known when I found out the depths of the deception. She felt the need to reveal to me what she was doing and with whom. (not the guy she was currently groping) I have that quality about me. Everyone, strangers, foreigners, aliens, all want to tell me their stories, or the whole truth about something and on this occasion, like many of the others, it was info I didn't want to know. When she was done telling me about her betrayal, I nodded, and turned, and left the apartment with rather dramatic flair. All the while, however, I felt invisible vise like hands gripping my throat, making it virtually impossible to breath. I made it out into the hall and onto the elevator where I managed to gulp some fresh air and let the tears flow.

I wasn't raining that day, in fact it was sunny and warm, though It's Raining Again by Supertramp was playing when I had my heart broken.

It wasn't till the next time that I heard the song that I realized how powerful memories are when they are attached to something like a song. I listen to it now and lament my youth, not the relationship.

Today my mother would have been 65. I know there has to be a natural time where one stops counting. Though 65 is not a ridiculous age to believe that a loved one could still be amoung us. She died when she was 59, which is far too young to go, but that is what she did. I don't blame her for dying, never did, never will. She was the only living family I had at the time and she lasted longer than any Doctor said she would. Hanging on through all the pain. Now perhaps there is no pain where she is. Perhaps. One can only hope.

C

Well so far I lost 12 lbs in two weeks on atkins, 32 pounds total starting from July 3rd, I am not dividing or analyzing my results, though I know I have also gained muscle. That much is noticeable when I look in the mirror or when I dress. I did go off the wagon for one meal and only one meal in the three weeks and it was nice. I noticed that my blood sugar did not go crazy and is still within normal ranges while following Atkins and the low carb or no carb as it were. My goal, not that I like setting them for myself, is to go down about 36 more lbs by my birthday which is January 6th. Why 36? Will it bring me to an even number? Will it be the penultimate? No but the weight it will bring me too will be significant, cause it will be the lowest I have been since I was half my age, and I would have lost it without being on Fastin, Phen Phen, or Pondomin, which I had used way back when. And of course I will be a sexy bitch. No more updates till my impending success or failure. Or if I feel like talking about it I guess. After all it is my blog.

Peace
C