If It Didn't Suck....

Creative title huh? Not really. While there is a mythology surrounding teachers, such things as lifetime employment, three months off, shorter work days and many more unrealistic pieces of mis-information-- one thing is unclear. We are one of the most, if not the most, maligned careers that at one time was the most revered. We have gone for several years without a contract. Again. There is no respect, no "fair treatment" for us, and it is time it stopped. Regardless of how we are portrayed in the press, and no matter how many rumors circulate about our so called "cushy jobs" the truth is that we are all being treated like second class citizens. Yes we do have some corny sayings like "No Contract = No Respect" which may be true, but it is even simpler. No respect, means we are not valued. If we are not valued, (and we are the ones who care for your children seven hours a day, for 10 months a year, until they are around age eighteen) then how much do you truly value your children?

Rest Well
C

Sometimes I feel like the world is closing in, sometimes it is
sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I am
why do I suffer at my job, need to put in nearly 20 more years, if I make it that long
to enjoy what? A pension?
Right now I can barely making ends meet
suffering the wrath of careless and thankless masses
why do I bother?
my job sucks
and hangs
dangling
on a precipice of madness
and hoplessness
like my life
marriage has become something akin to being roomates
who occasionally fuck
we pass silently between arguments
and I wonder if we will make it
I wonder if I care
most times I dont
and that is probably worse
The walls are moving closer again, and the air is becoming heavier
it is hard to breathe
maybe today I will stop.......

Today my mother would have been 64 if she were still alive. I am reminded of her absence more on this day than on the day she lost her battle at age 59. As I spoke, just a short while ago, with a friend of mine, she had said that Sandra (my mother) was looking down on me. I said "she always did" and my friend clarified that she meant that my mother was "watching over" me. It is interesting how at times we least expect it how our subconscious just grabs hold of the situation. Regardless of our relationship she is gone, and she is indeed missed, and her memory will always go on. We cant choose our parents, they cant choose us, and sometimes, we cant stop loving them.

Well I had gotten to work expecting a rumble in the jungle, but the guy didn't show up for a while and we were relatively quite, that is until he came in. When he did, he actually engaged in a conversation for a short time and then left, and then came back, and then left. The last time he exited he took out a few of his possessions that he had placed in the room the previous few days and did so without saying a word. None of us saw him for the rest of the day. Hopefully it will stay that way.

Well so far no good, at least in the lounge. There is a new guy in our lounge who got loud today arguing that for the entire time we were talking. The we included me and two other colleagues. This new guy wanted quiet so he could read or listen to his music or whatever. This brief discussion amongst professionals turned volatile and shouts and cursing soon ensued. We felt that we could do whatever we wanted, such as talk to each other, while we were there, and if he didn't like it he could go to another lounge in the building or go outside or sit in his car or go to the library, he had options. He wanted us to bow to his will, he wanted the many to suffer for the few. It turned so ugly and older colleague threatened to beat him down, and he returned all the threats as well. I cannot wait to see how it will all turn out tomorrow.

I hate those incessant commercials that have the parents dancing and singing in mirthful gaiety about the "most wonderful time of the year", being back to school, or that rip off Target commercial that has Sir Mix A Lot no longer singing about the glory of feminine pulchritude but now hawking school supplies, I hate BACK TO SCHOOL.

The night before school, I lay awake, in a cold sweat for nearly the entire night, barely catching a few fleeting g moments of shut eye before the alarms mockingly laughs at 5:30 am and tells me to get my fat ass out of bed and go to work.

I DON'T WANNA GO!!!!, I think, feeling like a child who has to start a new school, and it is a similar feeling. New classes, new kids, or worse, some of the more mean ones from last year, or the year before, perhaps they have changed? No such luck. The kids you hope to have, no longer in your class. New teachers, old colleagues gone, it is a truly hectic time.

My mind races, what do I do, what can I do, how can I cope????? I reach for a calendar and breath a sigh of relief, we have a few days off in October, damn something to look forward too.
I regain my composure, and put my name up on the board, and hope that this year doesn't suck.

Peace and welcome back to school
C

I know I am spoiled with having the summer off, but I am lamenting the passing of yet another summer as it has gone all too fast. My batteries are only partially recharged and I have no desire to start waking up at 5:30 again for my 70 mile commute. (each way) This is the cusp of the last weekend and I have not accomplished anything but reading a bunch of books I enjoyed, seeing a bunch of movies (some of which I enjoyed) and getting some desperately needed sleep. I had one major vacation, and attempted to rewrite my long unpublished novel. It seemed as though June 28th happened only yesterday, and the summer lay before me virginal in its potential that I ruined and soiled with my drunken and clumsy advancements. Now all that lay before me is dread that I have to wait, as if in purgatory for ten months until I can see my nubile lover once again, and hope that this same time, next year, I can speak of her praises and not of the disgrace I have brought to her.

As I sit here writing this blog, I am thinking of my vacation taken last month. It is hard to realize, to accept, that the beauty and wonder of this great city has been destroyed. The sites were grand, the spirit of the people unquenchable, and I know that in time, it will thrive again. I know there are other blogs that have more heartfelt words about this tragedy, and some are doing something about it, I can only offer these paltry words of hope, and my deepest sympathy for those who have experienced loss, and my empathy. My prayers are with you all.